The lesson in a relationship

The lesson in a relationship

This is a re-posting of a blog I wrote back in August. I’ve spent the last 18 hours or so consoling my daughter who may or may not have broken up with her boyfriend of  2 1/2 years. Today is her last day of classes of her senior year of high school. She has to take one regents in math and that’s it. Prom is in 2 weeks which is also now up in the air.  About a week ago I saw this blog posting had been read by someone. Since it was one of my older ones, I was curious and read it myself.  After the last 18+ hour ,ordeal with my daughter, I felt this was not only  good lesson for her but for anyone.

The perfect romantic relationship reblog:

This topic was based on lesson 292 from the workbook of a course of miracles. This lesson says that a happy outcome to all things is sure. However how long it takes us to get there is up to us. We are guaranteed this happy outcome but we are the ones who get in the way and delay the outcome.  This lesson certainly pertains to me. I am and have been searching for my perfect relationship and I make the joke that so far I’ve been 100% wrong in the men I choose. What the lesson says is I’m guaranteed that happy relationship and maybe one of my exs was my happy ending but I and my ego got in the way and ruined it. Well that’s a mind blowing thought, you mean that one of my exs were supposed to be my right guy and I let him go? Before any of my exs read this and go patting themselves on the back the answer to the question is NO. What it means is people come into your life to teach you things at different points and stages. Each of my ex-partners taught me something in every relationship that I needed the problem is I never learned the lesson and so it keeps repeating itself over and over until it’s learned.

Let me simplify how I took this lesson…my ex-husband cheated on me more than once and thus creating one of my bigger issues of trust. When my next relationship came along, I still had issues with trust. I’d look at his cell phone, spy on his Facebook, got jealous easily etc. The point is my fears from one relationship carried to another relationship which eventually damaged and ended that relationship. In this example I’m not talking about the other persons flaws, issues or damage in the relationship because it’s not about that. The lesson was MY lesson to be learned. If I don’t heal the trust issues, the jealousy issues in myself it will just resurface again and again in the next relationship over and over until the lesson is learned thus delaying the happy outcome I am hoping for. Let me also explain here that the partner could have been 90% of the cause of the end of the relationship because he actually was cheating but what the lesson and a course in miracles teaches is to look at only the percentage that is yours. You can’t fix others, only yourself.

I’d love to say those were my only issues in a relationship but one of my darkest ones is my made up one. I’m completely in love with an idea, an image, a thought of a relationship that is completely fake. I’m in love with a fantasy of a person who has lived in my mind since I was probably 13. Every guy I’ve been with gets compared to my imaginary love and when they don’t stack up I either try to change them or withdraw from them. The biggest thing I’ve learned from a course in miracles is you need to accept people for who they are you can’t change them. Accept them with love fully and you may decide romantically they aren’t what you need and you release them or you’ve learned to love the person as they are not for what you want them to be. I know for sure if my ex ever read my blog he’d say FINALLY to that line. In my mind still lives the perfect man that is everything I want. This is where I need to learn to accept people for imperfections and remember life isn’t a movie or a fairy tale. I won’t abandon my ideas of my perfect relationship because they are my guidance points but they definitely need to be on a more accurate field of reality.

This blog was based also on weekly lectures from Marianne Williamson who you can listen to every Tuesday night at 7:30.


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