I never commented on this picture yesterday. I found this on a U2’s website written in Bono’s handwriting but signed by Bono, Edge, Adam and Larry. I don’t know if it’s going to be a new song or if it was just something they were doodling but it was so fitting and they’re my favorite.
Yesterday I wrote to my coach before I spoke to her and asked her to read my blog. I received an email that simply said AMAZING!!! What she found amazing about this blog yesterday was the honesty. That I was able to have compassion for somebody else’s feelings for being rejected because I’ve been there as well many times. I was able to not only have the compassion but I show real raw feelings about how I feel. I’m able to see the situation from both sides of the table. It’s a testament of how far I actually have come in my studies and self help with A Course in Miracles. Sometimes it’s nice to hear that the difference I am trying to make in myself is noticed by others. I really want to change it was so important to me because I was really unhappy with who I was and who I was becoming. To appreciate others and people around you, you have to look inside first and appreciate yourself and I wasn’t doing that. Yesterday it was that simple word and my Course in Miracles workbook lesson that really put a smile on my face the entire day.
However what I felt the block was lacking was the gratitude. I am very thankful for the experience of this man I was dating briefly. There was a lesson here that I did learn and for that I am thankful. What I learned is that I do have a gut instinct that I can trust. The gut instinct/inner guide/inner voice was telling me for a little bit that I wasn’t interested. People around me were very happy that I found a nice guy and we’re almost trying to get convince me to continue to date him because who knows how many guys were going to come my way that would accept my MS. They weren’t doing it in a malicious way they were doing it because they love me and they want me to be happy and they don’t want me to be alone. But there was a part of me that was listening to them not to my gut. There was a part of me that was starting to believe the same story that who is going to love me with MS. It took me maybe a week or two longer to say no more. However I said it. At first I still believe the story that I’m going to get rid of this guy nobody else is going to be there for me but that thinking was very short-lived. That was a fear-based thinking. Much like the fear-based thinking that if I fall for someone and give my heart I’m going to get hurt again like I did with my ex-boyfriend. Both these thoughts are fear not love. Fear is an illusion; love is the only truth. I learned a very valuable lesson from this gentleman and for that I am very grateful. I’ve learned a lesson from my ex-boyfriend as well I loved him and he loved me so love exists. Love is real. That’s a lesson too and for that I’m thankful. I’m thankful for every person that has come into my life be it briefly or for a long stretch. I believe lessons are learned from each relationship. I believe there are reasons that people come into your life it isn’t a coincidence. They are strategically met under fate to teach us and help us become better people spiritually. My life coach is my perfect example. She came though a series of events in my life but when I was ready to hear what she had to say. She has become one of my biggest aides to help me move to another level in my Course in Miracles studies. To that I am so grateful. I’m grateful to them all. The weird, the loves, the briefly, and the long timers. Those I’ll never forget and those that are no more. Thank you to everyone.