I am a happy sad

I am a happy sad

That is how my friend explained it to me yesterday when I told her how I felt. I’m very excited for my daughter, my college years were some of my favorite years. It’s just has been her and I for so long. My divorce was started in August of 2006. He moved out and it was Mikayla and I and the pets. 11 years and now she’s growing up off to live in NYC and go to school. I know I’ll see her often but for the majority of the year, she’ll be away. In her place I have a nursing aide to help me get around and get things done. It will never be the same as having her around. Right in front of me is a picture from my cousin’s wedding. It has my grandma who passed away over 13 years ago holding Mikayla’s hand. She was such a sweet little girl and really grew up to be a sweet young lady.

I’m trying very hard to keep my emotions in check. First to keep them real. I’ve been a little annoyed with her lately over silly things. I unfortunately know myself and I have taken my anger out on her when it wasn’t really her fault. I’ve also blew things completely out of proportion with her because I was really angry or upset about something else. This time I know I’m not angry at her, I’m sad and,maybe selfishly, a little scared too. It’s very hard to let your kids go. They grow up and you have to trust you did a good job. Hope you gave them good tools that they’ll be safe and do the right thing. You have to trust your kids eventually and let them live their own life. That idea is wrapped up in a package of fear, dread, excitement and thank god. It’s a happy sad as my friend said it. This school thing isn’t going to be just a new experience for Mikayla, it’s a new experience for me too.

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