My ex-boyfriend walks down the aisle today
I wasn’t going to write this post but this is my blog these are my feelings these in my experiences and this is an important one so I decided to say it. My ex-boyfriend walks down the aisle today. It’s hard to explain it’s not a sadness because I want to be the girl at the end of that aisle. It’s a sadness of who we were, what we had, a feeling like it never mattered. There’s no one in my family that like this this relationship it was doomed probably from the day I met him. However for some reason I truly loved him. The relationship has long been over and I’ve probably analyized it 1000 times in my head. We had a connection a different kind of connection then I had with my ex-husband or anybody else that I dated it was probably more of that than true love. There was something that drew us together and there was something that kept us there. We both were unhappy as far as the relationship went for so long, so many times but we didn’t walk away because we couldn’t walkaway. Whatever the draw to each other called us back to each other over and over and over. It was a very unhealthy relationship as far as a union goes however there was still love. When we finally did separate it was him that had to cut the cord and I knew it had to be him because I didn’t have the strength. I asked so many times for him to walk away because I knew I couldn’t do it. And he finally did, and it cut me so deep even though I had no desire to be in a relationship anymore neither did he. After months of reflection I finally came to realize that our relationship and that our need for each other wasn’t in that type of boyfriend/girlfriend union but it was too late. Plus the feelings had to subside and the abandonment anger. I understood this months later but he owed money and decided not to repayed as it should have. Made things really easy for one I made things very difficult for the other one, I’m sure you can guess who the other one was. It is for that reason no relationship can ever be. It took me a long time to forgive the him, To forgive the abandoned feeling, To forgive the disloyalty but most importantly to forgive myself. What’s crazy is I don’t want to hate him, I really don’t even hate him. I’m actually happy because I loved him enough to want him to be happy. It was always the difference between him and I is that my genuine feeling of love was so deep that I never wanted bad things for him I only wanted all the good things that I would ever wish for myself to happen to him as well. I truly had unconditional love for this man it just took me many many many months to even understand what it was that I felt. So as he walks down the aisle today I only wish the best of luck, a truly truly happy happy life, a wonderful marriage and all the best. And maybe one day he’ll see this maybe one day he won’t but this blog wasn’t about him it was about me. I know I said that I wasn’t gonna write about this subject anymore but there’s so much peace I’m writing this with that it kind of wrote itself. Maybe this should’ve been in my personal journal and instead I put it out for the world to see but like I said this is my blog these are my experiences and that’s what my blog is about.