I was future tripping yesterday. A very evil thing to do. Future tripping, in my world, is when you worry about what’s going to happen in the future when you really have no idea. So you get your all worked up over a possibility but not an actuality. I future trip over the same three things in my life; my multiple sclerosis,where am I going to live or my finances. I work hard at NOT doing it but one of the three fears usually creep into my life at any given point. The difference is I recognize it now for what it is and try to shut it down.
The fears seem like three separate things but they’re actually all one. Multiple sclerosis is a disease of the unknown. The path multiple sclerosis takes changes for every single person. Where I’m going to be in six months, a year or 5 years is completely unknown. Which ties into the second fear of where am I going to live. Will I be able to walk still? Will I be able to get into the bathroom still? Do I need to find housing that’s more handicap accessible? I want a nice place if I have to move. What about my dogs? I need a place that allows pets. Am I going to stay on Long Island? Am I going to go possibly a little closer to my sister? Is my mother and step dad going to leave Long Island? Then comes the final tie, how can I afford this? How much will a move cost? How much will rent be? Can I afford a place that offers me what I want and what I need but still be nice? Do I need an aid or a helper? How can I afford someone to help me that isn’t an aid? You see, it’s really all one fear and it starts with where am I going to be with my MS.
This is why you can’t future trip. This is why you have to stay in the present moment. Right now in the present moment, I live in a really nice place. My apartment is handicap accessible enough where I can get around without much of a problem. My MS is not good, but it’s not bad enough where I can’t make do in my present state. As far as my finances, I make my bills each month so I don’t have to worry about the other thing at this moment. To put the extra worry and fear on an unknown event is kind of ridiculous when you think about it. You can wrap yourself up in an unknown and make yourself sick but guess what, some things might never come true. What I’m trying to learn is worry about it when it’s in the present, otherwise let it go. The best advice I can give. Stay present. Enjoy your present. The future isn’t written yet.