My appreciation of my spiritual journey
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
I originally shared this poem in a post titled Safety lies in my defenselessness.
One of my hardest but favorite lessons in a course of miracles. This poem, however, is the basis of this post.
I lived in Chapter One for a very long time. Actually probably for about 2+ years. Unfortunately, I landed in chapter 2 for an extended period as well. It took a long time and a lot of work to get to chapter 3. I read self help books every day. I started A Course in Miracles a practice I do every single day. I meditate every morning even if it is only for 10 minutes. I’m not sure when I made it to chapter 4 because I know I’m not there. I’m even past chapter 5. I’m not on a different street, I’m in a whole other neighborhood.
My journey has truly changed my life. It hasn’t taken away my illness, but I deal with it better most days. I’ve found a peace within myself that I never had. I use to look to others, mostly men, to fill in a void I thought I had. I latched on as tight as I could. Now I can’t even imagine needing that. My friendships are slowly rebuilding from damage I’ve done and those that aren’t I made peace with. I’ve forgiven those who have wronged and hurt me because it really doesn’t matter. I appreciate the love that surrounds me everyday from my family, friends and of course my dogs. It is such a difference from where I was I just wanted to appreciate the journey.
