Has anyone seen Dirty John on Bravo? It’s about a whirlwind romance between a successful woman and a man she meets on an internet dating site. She falls head over heals. Her family find out he’s a conman and try to prove this to her mom but their mom can’t see. This show is based on a true story of a sociopath’s web of lies and manipulations.
If you watch the real housewives of Orange County, Vickie Gunvalson got involved with a man named Brooks. He wasn’t liked by her friends and family either. They thought he was a bad guy. You could watch their whole relationship in episodes. He too was a master manipulator and user that everyone saw but Vickie.
I too was in that relationship. I fell in love hard when everyone around me try to tell me this was a bad guy. I lost many friends in that relationship and I was used for a good portion of it. When all the dust settled from the relationship I didn’t really have any friends because people just couldn’t stand by and watch it anymore. My family was so distant because they couldn’t stand witness anymore. I was so lost I couldn’t find my way out until he broke the ties. By then I had nothing left to offer him. I served his need he was done.
I went into a serious spiral down and it was here I found my spiritual path. It was here I learned how to stop replaying the story over and over in my head. It’s so simple in words but takes time to implement. I learned to FORGIVE. Forgiving him was actually easy, forgiving myself was much more difficult.
A Course in Miracles teaches forgiveness is the key to happiness.
The unforgiving mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there.
I realized it was my thoughts that made me sad and my thoughts that made the situation painful. My own shame was what I couldn’t forgive. I realized that I needed to forgive myself and let it go. It took time but I forgave myself. I loved him in that moment. When I look back on the relationship I can see it clearly for what it was. I don’t have any ill feelings for him, luckily our situation didn’t end like Dirty John. I certainly don’t blame myself anymore. It was a tough lesson I learned but I learned it.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.