I don’t really know what to write. My heart is so heavy from the loss of my Marshmallow. I’ve stopped crying spontaneously but my heart hurts so much. Going to bed is the hardest part. Marshy was my one dog that ALWAYS slept touching me. Normally he slept under the blankets by my feet. As he got warm under there he’d come out and sleep on the blankets at my feet. This back and forth would go on all night and you’d think, by the look of the blanket, six other people slept in the same bed. It was all him, always moving the blankets to get in or out of all night long. Now I wake up and the blanket is undisturbed except the small area I was occupying. I hate it. We had bedtime rituals and morning rituals and that is what hurts the most. That is when i miss him the most.

I spend my days looking at puppies, it makes me feel better. I was always going to get another dog. We’ve been talking about it before Marshy even passed. I was even looking at puppies back then. It was just one of those things that made me smile. I know a new dog won’t replace Marshmallow, nothing will, but I am home most of the time and my dogs are my kids with four paws. The heartbreak is worth the amazing gift they give.

Marshmallow was my dog. He was one of a kind and I was his person. I gave him all the love that a person could give. He had a good life. Letting him go was the hardest decision I have ever made but I would never want him to suffer. Seeing pictures of him now I realized how his whole body changed the day I brought him to the emergency vet. I didn’t see it at the time. Maybe denial or I was just too close. I realize the difference now. My boy was sick. I did the right thing for him, my final act of love. He was and will always be my boy. I loved him so and I miss him more. I’m loving memory Marshmallow.