I don’t know when it happens we just wake up one day and we went from 21 to 40 something. I look at my kid who’s driving herself to school who’s going to college next year and I say to her college was my favorite years and I think of it like it just happened a couple years ago.  I mean I put on the radio and they say NSync is classic easy listening, wasn’t that in the 90s was that really that long ago? God help us when was Led Zeppelin? It’s almost comical  that we’ve been warned about this our whole lives and then all of a sudden we’re here one day and were like WTF!!! Am I at the stage when I’m supposed to review everything I’ve done right or wrong, should have done that instead, should I gone there?  Do you know why they always say oh the 40s those were the best years it’s because you wake up and are like “my god Im 45 now what do we look forward to?” More aches more pains more things going wrong in our body more doctors appointments? I have MS already done all that. And yet somehow I’m not upset. I’m out on disability I can’t work anymore  and I’m trying to figure out my life. My daughter is leaving me next year.  My daughter is starting a life and I’m so happy for her and I got to figure out my life. I’m actually very lucky I have a really nice golden opportunity. I’m not married i’m not even technically tied down to anything I can pick up and move and change it all. Not many people can say that.  I think that’s been part of my fears lately, what do I want to do? Where’s my passion?  I know where my passion is what I really want more than anything is I want a place, a house with some land for animals that I can become a foster home for either the bulldogs or the French bulldogs or even pugs one of those type of breeds that I just truly love. Maybe a sanctuary for the older dogs  like a hospice for dogs in there later stage in life although I think that might depress me too much. That is my true passion. It’s not falling in love again with another guy although that would be nice. I’m not having more kids for sure  it’s a very simple life that does good for animals. That’s my true passion and that’s what I need to start making come true. I know where that answer is. I know the problems that can come with that answer.   But it’s not such a terrible alternative. I’ll be close to my sister, hey Bari will you help me? I really think that’s what I need to do. Leave my parents on Long Island and follow my passion. Make the right connections and take the next logical steps. Isn’t that what we all want? I have the opportunity and I can follow my passion at this stage why wouldn’t I? I’ll be scared sure it will be all new to me but I can create the life I’ve always wanted. I just need the next logical step. I have MS but I can do this even with my disability.  Now I need to figure out the next step.