I’m certainly better than yesterday, I should start the blog off with that. Sometimes you hide how you feel inside because you don’t want to live feeling like that. Yes my life is hard. Yes things are a challenge. Yes it’s a sucky disease. Most people know this. I don’t have to reiterate that fact each day, so I try very hard not to. However it is the truth to MY life and it is like this 24 hours a day 7 days a week and it NEVER STOPS. A good day for me isn’t I was able to jog 10 miles a good day is I was able to get from the couch to the bathroom without incident all day, my legs didn’t fatigue from under me.
Yesterday was also a difficult day with the puppy. She is still eating her’s and my other dogs poop (?????) and she’s a puppy needs to be watched every second. Now she’s getting smart and hides in my room to go to the bathroom (in Marshy’s area) so she can eat her poop. So every time she goes into my room, I need to get up and check. I don’t want to close my room because then I’m closing off Marshy to his bathroom area. It becomes a difficult to manage and when I’m too tired to walk this becomes extremely difficult to do period. Yesterday it was just horrible . I know gross conversation, moving on.
She has this thing with jumping in the water bowl and making a complete mess. I don’t know the point of this activity but she is loving this one. Today I was smarter. I moved the water bowl to avoid such mess. This is actually her in my older dogs food bowl. On top of potty training, obedience training and fairness to Marshy, it gets very frustrating even if I didn’t have MS. More so when I constantly am getting up trying to stop her.
What really did me in was the shower which comes down to the strength and stamina of my upper body. I’ve said for a while that my legs are doing a drop better in their strength and stamina, to a degree, but my arms and my inside core and respitory muscle strength keep getting worse. Since I still workout and still have muscle strength, if they aren’t fatigued the doctors really don’t see what I feel. Certainly can’t see the inner problems. It’s been an ongoing frustration but in truth NOTHING CAN BE DONE EVEN IF THEY SAW IT. So what’s the point. It’s part of acceptance of multiple sclerosis and yesterday I couldn’t accept it. As always if my arms fatigue my legs, will as well and if my legs fatigue, my arms will as well. Doesn’t matter why I fatigue it will run throughout my body. I can’t say that I woke up today accepting my MS but I woke up today understanding what to expect. It’s a rational first step. As far as my puppy, she’s a puppy and my dogs bring me happiness even with the frustration so that will never change. My day ended like this without tears?? ????