For the first time in a long time, I put in my morning affirmations an openness to meet someone. It’s been probably close to a year. My future person, if there is one, isn’t on match or plenty of fish. If I meet someone it’s being at the right place at the right time. Who is my guy? Well I can tell you who he isn’t.
He’s not a sex crazed nympho-maniac. I don’t think I was ever in this stage of life even in my twenties before MS but I’m certainly not there now. In 100% honesty, I have had dulled feeling down in that area for 10 years at least. I’ve faked every orgasm I ever had unless it was with BOB(battery operated boyfriend). Sex for me was never fulfilling, it wasn’t like that. It was about the closeness and being with someone. Therefore sex doesn’t matter for me. I won’t really feel much except the pressure and god knows my body won’t contour to any weird positions any more. I’d be happy if they got up onto a bed without difficulty or a lift up. This flounder would be selling vanilla ice cream all night. In other words I’d be boring with little movements. Not really an ad for the sexually active male.
I do not want a fixer upper. I have done this technically twice and got myself dragged down with it. While fixing them, I destroyed me. I do not have the money, patience, or energy for this kind of relationship. If you aren’t standing on your own two feet, or wheeling on your own two wheels, please keep on moving along.
Life isn’t a movie and you don’t complete me, nor do I want you too. I am my own person and I don’t want to be lost in another relationship again. I’m loved by friends and family, my dogs, I have an aide to help me, I don’t need you, I want to like you. That is a big difference from where I was a few years ago. I needed to be needed and I needed to need. It created attachments that were unhealthy and because of that, I ended up hurt and in pain. I looked at relationships all wrong. I idolized the person and became nothing without them.
Finally, I don’t want someone who doesn’t love animals. If a person can’t see the innocence in an animal then they aren’t for me. I will always have dogs and I will always love and adore my dogs like children. The fastest way to my heart is through them. If there isn’t a genuine love of animals, don’t let the dog bite your ass while your leaving.
In all honesty, this is really just a couple of things. Like I said it’s all a matter of chance. My life coach says I’ve been clearing space for this person. All my decluttering lately is making space for something new. I don’t now. I just know it’s the first time I put it into my affirmation was also the day my mom made the same comment to me about meeting someone new and the same day I talked to her. Coincidence? Maybe? I don’t believe in coincidence anymore, I believe in the universe having my back. So we’ll see what transpires. The main difference is my eyes are open again to the possibility and my heart is open to the acceptance.