Every morning I have a routine. I workout, read my course of miracles workbook lesson, I meditate and then write my blog. The reason why I meditate first is because I always sit in the silence of my thoughts to see what it is I should say today. I may have an idea before a start and switch gears after the meditation. Today I wanted to discuss why you haven’t seen anything about me dating lately but the stronger feeling that kept coming up was actually on meditation itself. I still decided to stick with dating because it goes with the gut feeling and inner guide I try to hear through meditation.
If you follow my blog you may remember the posting plenty of fish and I hooked a catfish, I was blown off for a date. Unfortunately a few bad, old habits of mine surfaced for a few days including eating poorly, drinking too much. It took me three days to recognize what I was doing because my ego got hurt but I realized my ego was in control of my actions. I decided to take a step back again realizing I need better control of my ego because dating is difficult. Dating with MS is extremely difficult. It’s hard for you not to take things personally and I just don’t want to let the ego be in control making me sad. I also don’t want to meet someone and like them for all the wrong reasons. I want to be able to trust my inner guide and instinct and not be afraid of it which at this point in time I still am. The catfish that blew me off in every text or call called me babe, sexy, hon. In one he commented on what a great mother I am. These are nice things when you’ve known someone for a while but when you haven’t met someone and you’ve had a few calls and texts not really appropriate. I didn’t like it my gut was ringing but I let it go to see what would happen afraid to say to the person “talking like that is inappropriate, you don’t know me”. Looking back I’m not surprised he blew me off, the type of guy he was was there I just didn’t listen. I was conversing with two other people one doing the same thing, this time I listened. I will revisit dating again with the help of a life coach that I’m working with. I don’t want to fall back into old patterns again. I know one thing for sure, as far as relationships go I have a 100% failing track record. The change has to be made starting with me.