A parent first

A parent first

ive told the story in past posts about my parents and the pain my MS has caused them. To watch your child hurt and suffer when you stand by helpless is the worst feeling for a parent. I know my disease has repeatedly broken my parents (all 4 of them) hearts at various times through the years.

I’ve had challenges with my daughter too. She was born with a progressive hearing loss. It is called EVAS, enlarged vestibular aqueduct syndrome. Her ear fluid canal was too large and the excess fluid destroy the hairs on the eight nerve of the ear. It is through these hairs that sound travels. She got her first cochlear implant at 3 and the second at 6. Yes things were hard but here we are 11 years later and she’s a senior in high school applying for college. She’s a beautiful girl with a great personality and wonderful values. She has friends and has been dating her boyfriend for almost two years.

The boyfriend…when asked if I like the boyfriend my answer is usually No. He’s not a bad guy but he doesn’t always treat her right. He knows her weaknesses and uses it against her. Their toxic relationship usually has tears shed by her at least once every 2 weeks. I am the one consoling here. My heart breaking each time. I offer my advice that’s usually not taken. The therapist she sees offers advice usually not taking. Her aunt, grandparents, friends offer advice usually not taken. It’s not that he doesn’t love her, at least as much as a 17 year old boy could, he just wants everything his way. When she pushes back he gets mad. Next thing I hear are tears that she’s a bad girlfriend and she’s trying to change and she just wanted to see him etc. is everything all his fault, of course not. My daughter is needy and sensitive and hot headed like her mom.  I see many issues in her relationship mirroring my toxic past relationships that she bore witness too.  However her boyfriend knows this about her and refuses to meet her half way. It’s his way or no way. The amount of times they ended it is staggering but as always just words forgotten the next day by both of them until the next week. Same issues same tears same patterns. I stand helpless on the sidelines blaming myself for her being witness to my toxic problems in relationships and seeing it repeat. Trying to help her change like I have through motivational people, books, meditation and spiritual practice but getting no where. Watching the same self destruct patterns in my child I have had and am overcoming and trying to save her from further heartache and getting nowhere. Feeling utterly helpless loving my daughter.  Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. The most thankless job with the worst heartache. However at the same time, in the same breath, the best because there is nothing I wouldn’t do for that child. To see the smile on her face makes each moment worth it.

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