The following are conversations I had with my life coach about ending things and the actions with the guy I was dating, the one with the 9 hour first date. The beginning part was in our session when I realized I didn’t want me to continue dating him, I wasn’t feeling the connection. She coached me to follow my inner guide, listen to my gut feeling and stay on my course of coming from a place of love.  My struggle point with A Course in Miracles is how to say No or say how you feel about a person or situation but still come from a place of love not through accusation and judgements. The following took place after I ended it.

——- Message ——–
Subject: Re: I did it
From: Jamie Starr <youtwohearts@yahoo.com>
Date: Thursday, November 3, 2016 5:08 PM
To: alissa

Hi Alissa…Wasn’t planning on doing it but had a horrible MS day and I just was dark very inward focused and I was texting him told him how my MS has been challenging etc and the conversation just lead to that now isn’t our time. Not even sure who did it. It was unexpected wasn’t planned for that moment but went lovingly, friendly and ended on a really good note. I didn’t feel sad or bad or like I did wrong and I most importantly I don’t think I hurt him. I was honest. Ok mostly honest didn’t say I was bored. I let the MS take the front seat as the reason why. I felt good after relieved not disappointed just peaceful. Just wanted to inform you.

On November 3, 2016, at 7:31 PM <Alissa@>

Dear Jamie

Beautiful. You absolutely did nothing wrong. You listened to your inner dialogue, took the time to discern truth vs illusion, and you honored your authentic self.
Louise Hay would say that you have cleared space to invite in experiences that are more in alignment with who you are.
It’s okay to experience a spectrum of feelings. My prayers for you tonight is to feel peace and faith. All is right.
My suggestion this week is that you write one of the following;
A letter to him (that you will never send) telling him everything you wanted him to know but didn’t say out loud
Or
A blog post about what you learned from this relationship
Or
A thank you letter to the universe for bringing this experience into your life.

Best-Alissa

——– Message ——–
Subject: Re: Your schedule
From: Jamie Starr <youtwohearts@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, November 15, 2016 7:35 am
To: Alissa
The guy had on Facebook the other day in a relationship with some girl big post so I guess he wasn’t all that into me that he was committed to someone else 10 days later…I tried to be in a loving place when I wished him luck but asked him not to contact me again. I admitted he owed me nothing but to have me find out because it was public and not have the curtesy to tell me when we talked every day I felt was wrong.
I did come to the realization I may not have the energy anymore for dating. I am coming to terms with the idea it may not be in my cards.
That’s my 2 week summary.

On November 15, 2016, at 2:39 PM <Alissa@>

Hi Jamie,

So much so say about your update. For now, allow yourself to feel all the feelings that are coming up. It’s not dating that you don’t have energy for– what you don’t have energy for is games and manipulation and retaliation and fear. That’s okay. I don’t have energy for that either. lol.

Speak to you tomorrow.

Best,

Alissa
Spirit Junkie Coach
Gabrielle Bernstein, Inc

My initial reaction to her statement above was this:

On November 15, 2016, at 2:41 PM <youtwohearts@yahoo.com>

Well I don’t know if I 100% agree about energy with you but I will chat tomorrow with you. However my intuition was wrong on the honesty of this guy. I do agree with I certainly don’t need the hurt anymore that is true . I’m too tired to put sadness on my plate also.

Then I started to think about it. She nailed it on the head  I am tired of games, manipulation, retaliation but most of all I’m scared. I’m terrified to find a guy I do really like and I’m scared to be hurt again. Thank you once again to the ex-boyfriend. I’ve been spending so much time trying to forgive and move on that I never thought about the damage of being so hurt, so many times over by the same person that I’m truthfully terrified to give someone my heart again so I’d rather be alone than go through it again.  That’s how scared I am.  Never even thinking that maybe one day someone I really like won’t hurt me I’d rather throw in the towel than try.  That’s pretty horrible especially since everything I’m learning in A Course of Miracles is love not fear. Fear is an illusion and only love is real. What I lack is the energy for is dating someone I really am not into. The idea of going out became overwhelming because I didn’t want to go out with him. Tonight I have my session with my life coach and I’m willing to bet that it’s this fear and lack of energy match that will be the focus point as it should be.

As for the guy I was dating. I get why he put it on Facebook like that because no matter how he really felt about me, rejection hurts. Look at my reaction I was hurt and I didn’t even like the guy enough to continue to date him but still felt the rejection when it slapped me in the face. Was I 100% honest with him, no, but I wasn’t trying to hurt him either.  He’s a nice guy he just wasn’t the right guy for me. I don’t know what my future holds but that’s ok. I wouldn’t want to plan it. I see my error I’m living in fear and right now that’s the only focus point I need to fix. Everything else will fall in line.