In meditation and my prayers I’ve been trying to change the way I see myself, change my body image perception and my ideal goal numbers. I compare myself to everyone and never in a positive way. I am the most critical of myself and I am the most critical of myself in body image and weight.  I always have an answer, excuse a criticism when I look in the mirror, so I basically stopped looking from my neck down. I learned how to get dressed with a fast glance of approval of an outfit. I never needed a long study. I mostly look at myself from the chest up, which luckily, in my eyes, are my better features. It was all this self decimation that I inflicted onto my psyche for at least 30 years that has brought my to this completely unhealthy, unrealistic body image and self perception. So now I’m left with the task of undoing all the damage.

How am I doing this you ask? These are some of the steps I’ve been taking. I am hoping that they will lead me to a happier place with my body.

1. Ask for a miracle. I surrender all of my beliefs on my body image to a higher power (God, the universe, Budda or whatever you pray to) I am not doing this alone. I need help. I created this mess of a body image perception and I need some strong ass power to help me get out of it.
2. I asked for a sign. For me, as loud as any voice in the room, I heard, get rid of the scale. I’ve maintained the same weight for 8-9 years. Sometimes a little lower, sometimes a little higher but I always hover around the same scale number. The meditation voice was telling me let it go. Your there. Maybe I’m at the optimal weight for me. This might very well be my number. Let the scale go. Now that is turning all your faith over to what you believe.
3. Appreciate your body. I love affirmations and I do them every morning on a varied number of things. I also give thanks and appreciation in my morning ritual, this is where I’ve started changing my body perception. I pay attention to my breath, knowing my body does it all on its own. Realizing what a remarkable machine the body is. I also tell myself in the morning and throughout the day that I am healthy and I am thin. I think it and feel it.  This is the first steps to manifesting.
4. I look in the mirror. I look at my whole self and appreciate every part of me. I am as I am supposed to be at this moment in time.
5. I journal. Well actually I blog. I’ve discussed weight many times on my blog and my issues and obsession with it, and the end result, is it is an issue. I am determined to see it differently and to make more positive changes and blog posts regarding it.
6. Accept. I need to accept that this is where I am and be ok with that. I have to love and accept myself at this point  if I ever expect to change. This is all part of my morning rituals to love my body as I am today and not expecting to be something I am not.

This is still new to me and I’ve only put these practices into play for about a week. I really know that my own self image is what holds me back from ever reaching any weight goals because my mind sabotages me as soon as a few pounds are lost on the scale. Being the same weight for years, means I wear the same size clothes too. I don’t need a scale to tell me I’m gaining weight, my clothes will tell me one way or the other. I think for the first time I need to take the leap of faith and trust my mind over a number on the scale. This journey will hopefully be successful. Mind over matter.