I heard a great line yesterday, when you point your finger in blame, three fingers are pointing back at you. I was never one to not own my mistakes. It might have taken me a little to process them but I always owned them in the end. My problem was always how I couldn’t get over how unfair it was that I owned my mistake, why doesn’t the other person. Sometimes my “theory of unfarity” became anger and obsession. I’m sure every single person reading this blog has encountered this in their life. That feeling where someone else never owned up to their mistake and it just festered within you. This was ALWAYS my big issue. I couldn’t take it when situations seemed unfair and I was the one on, what I perceived as, the losing side. I just couldn’t take it when someone got off unscathed, unhurt, unbothered, unharmed and unconcerned and I was all of the above. “But they were wrong”, that motto plagued me for years causing me so much unnecessary unhappiness because I could never just let things go. This was in all aspects of my life both work and personal. Being a student in A Course in Miracles, helped me change this mind set.
This was no quick fix. It has taken me well over a year to get to the point I am today. I read the manual first, which made no sense, at the time. Then I did the workbook which is 1 lesson everyday for a 365 days. I recently completed the year, turned around and started again at day one. Like exercising, your spiritual muscles also need to be worked out, it is a never ending commitment to yourself. Like the universe always does, the earlier lessons, were exactly what I needed to navigate through an issue I’ve been being tested with lately in life.
Sure enough, in my life over the past week or so, I’ve been slipping into past practices of thinking about the past and pointing the blame finger. I’ve been having conversations in my head about finally asking questions to things I never received answers for. I’ve been placing blame, being victim and getting angry over things well in the past that I’ve let go long ago. They are resurfacing because I once again am doing the right thing when the right thing wasn’t done for me. The earlier lessons in A Course in Miracles are the beginning stages of letting the past go. Second time around, it is a reminder of what the past means, which is nothing. The answers don’t matter, neither does the blame. I’m doing the right thing because THAT IS WHO I AM, I can’t control anyone else. My favorite learning that I always go back to…. I’d rather be happy.