Yesterday I read a post by MerBear over at knocked over by a feather https://knockedoverbyafeather.wordpress.com/2017/04/18/an-easy-mark/. It was about those kids that teased us as children, the scars we carry because of it. Then she asked if we could go back in time, what would we say to them as adults. My reply was, if I can go back in time it was ME I’d be lecturing  not the bullies. If I could teach my younger self to eat right, work out, and not give a shit about the morons in this little tiny world of high school, I’d actually would have saved myself a lot of heartache throughout my entire life.

I’ve blogged a lot lately about my issues with weight.

https://multipleexperiences.org/2017/04/12/the-weight-i-am/

Ideal Weight

It all goes back to when I was a child, kids are mean. I was made fun of for being fat starting in the 3rd grade. I went to camp Shane when I was young, which is a fat camp. I was on weight watchers by age 10. When I say I battled my whole life with weight, I really meant it. I look back at old pictures of me and there are some thin, some heavy, same as it was most of my adult life. It is no wonder that to me happiness ties directly to weight because that is all I’ve known. The attention I got from family and friends was ALWAYS different when I was thinner. It was the compliments after I’d lose weight. You look great, fantastic, beautiful, gorgeous, THIN. It was attention and it was a pattern all my life. I could never give myself that compliment so I craved it from others. Inside I’m still that little girl in high school who was fat. Truth was, I was awkward in high school, like everyone else.

So if I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self, learn how to eat properly and exercise. I would explain to myself one day you’re going to have multiple sclerosis and it’s important that you have strength in your body. You can eat anything you want in moderation. You’re not forbidden. However, it’s extremely important for your future health, that you learn to have a better relationship with the food you eat. You’re beautiful girl both inside and outside.  Your high school world is very very small. There is a much bigger world out there and it’s all yours for the taking. Don’t worry about these people, only worry about yourself. It is there own fears that cause their behavior. Everything you need is within your own domain.  You have the power to be anything you want. You have the power to do anything you want. Believe in yourself. You don’t need anybodies approval for anything.  You will be amazing, so don’t take anything personally anymore. Your life will be terrific.

I’d rather build the self confidence in my younger self. It has taken me 45 years to start learning to believe in myself. I would have saved myself a lot of personal heartache if I had learned some of this when I was a kid. That’s what I would do in my time machine. I’d tell my I love you. Drop off a quick an easy to understand self help book like The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and gave myself a hug.