What I’d tell to my younger self if I could

What I’d tell to my younger self if I could

Yesterday I read a post by MerBear over at knocked over by a feather https://knockedoverbyafeather.wordpress.com/2017/04/18/an-easy-mark/. It was about those kids that teased us as children, the scars we carry because of it. Then she asked if we could go back in time, what would we say to them as adults. My reply was, if I can go back in time it was ME I’d be lecturing  not the bullies. If I could teach my younger self to eat right, work out, and not give a shit about the morons in this little tiny world of high school, I’d actually would have saved myself a lot of heartache throughout my entire life.

I’ve blogged a lot lately about my issues with weight.


Ideal Weight

It all goes back to when I was a child, kids are mean. I was made fun of for being fat starting in the 3rd grade. I went to camp Shane when I was young, which is a fat camp. I was on weight watchers by age 10. When I say I battled my whole life with weight, I really meant it. I look back at old pictures of me and there are some thin, some heavy, same as it was most of my adult life. It is no wonder that to me happiness ties directly to weight because that is all I’ve known. The attention I got from family and friends was ALWAYS different when I was thinner. It was the compliments after I’d lose weight. You look great, fantastic, beautiful, gorgeous, THIN. It was attention and it was a pattern all my life. I could never give myself that compliment so I craved it from others. Inside I’m still that little girl in high school who was fat. Truth was, I was awkward in high school, like everyone else.

So if I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self, learn how to eat properly and exercise. I would explain to myself one day you’re going to have multiple sclerosis and it’s important that you have strength in your body. You can eat anything you want in moderation. You’re not forbidden. However, it’s extremely important for your future health, that you learn to have a better relationship with the food you eat. You’re beautiful girl both inside and outside.  Your high school world is very very small. There is a much bigger world out there and it’s all yours for the taking. Don’t worry about these people, only worry about yourself. It is there own fears that cause their behavior. Everything you need is within your own domain.  You have the power to be anything you want. You have the power to do anything you want. Believe in yourself. You don’t need anybodies approval for anything.  You will be amazing, so don’t take anything personally anymore. Your life will be terrific.

I’d rather build the self confidence in my younger self. It has taken me 45 years to start learning to believe in myself. I would have saved myself a lot of personal heartache if I had learned some of this when I was a kid. That’s what I would do in my time machine. I’d tell my I love you. Drop off a quick an easy to understand self help book like The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and gave myself a hug.

16 thoughts on “What I’d tell to my younger self if I could

  1. Same here! Was so self-conscious because of my blind eye. It caused me to become reckless as a teen and marry the wrong man that was actually a vile abuser and pedophile. I’m stronger in my self-confidence. Just working on self-forgiveness.

    1. Good for you. Sorry you had to go through the bad and vile ex first. I had to go through a bad relationship to hit my bottom but I never thought I had any self worth. I’m always working on my self forgiveness and even forgiving him.

  2. I love your point of view. I’ve always thought about telling those people who made me miserable to go to hell, but like you said here, I wish I could go back and just love myself more. And that high school was just a short pit stop.

    1. I use to dream of going to my high school reunion and being the most beautiful and thinnest person there. Everyone wanting to talk to me instead of my prettier high school friends who were much more popular and got all the attention lol.

      1. I have thought about that myself!
        I actually had a chance to go to my 20th high school reunion in 2012, but I passed. I hated those fuckers. lol

        1. I went and got my high school best friend wasted and she threw up everywhere. She still got most of the attention lol. However I was more comfortable in my skin for sure 20 years later.

          1. Jamie, don’t feel awful nature of the game. Merbear is nickname? I know you’ve posted about it. I personally love it but my nickname is phooey like Winnie the phoo but Y lol. I have a boys name got lots of heat for that as a kid.

          2. Merbear is a high school nickname. My real name is Merry (born in August) but I go by Mer. Nice to know your name finally!

  3. Love this! I can’t write what I’d tell my younger self because it involves saying some very nasty things to a relative who always called me fat (I wasn’t but due to this relative I was sure I was) which lead to a lifetime of issues with food and weight.

    1. i wasn’t really fat either but compared to my friends I was the heavy one. We never had junk food in out house and so i had to sneak it. I’d buy a whole bunch of food and quickly eat it all so I wasn’t caught. I became a binge eater and I’m still a binge eater to this day. My relationship with food has been poor for so long. Now I just have longer periods of good eating.

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