Last year at this time, my first blog post said under construction. I hope you enjoyed my weeks worth of revelations of the past year of blog posts.

This week, I thought it was gonna be more of a downtime week, didn’t turn out that way. My aide started on Wednesday.  Originally I asked for three days three hours a day. The recommendation of the nurse evaluator was for seven days. My case manager and I decided on three days four hours a day as a starting point.  You have to understand two things about me; 1. I’m a control freak 2. I do more than I should. That being said, I had everything already done by Wednesday when the nurse came. I had my daughter run any errand I needed, I had a food delivery ordered and put away the day before and I even had laundry done except for the last load in the dryer. I had a specific plan of what I was going to do with the aide for those 4 hours.

I was planning on showering, cooking for the week and picking up my prescription that had to get fixed. Since everything I do is piecemealed, I figured by the time it was all done it would be close to 4 hours later. What I didn’t figure is doing all of that, in a relatively short amount of time, would fatigue me. DUH!!! You’d think after 19+ years I’d figure this shit out by now, but I don’t. When I’d stop to gain strength, she’d clean. I’d get up to help her clean. I was more concerned with helping the nurse than I was with why she was there.  I know, I know this person is here to help me not help make things worse. By the time she left, I was beyond exhausted.

On Friday, my house was still clean, my food cooked, how was I filling 4 hours? This time after my shower, I rested more. Then together we went to the food store. I fell walking in. However, we got it done.  My mom suggested that I tell her to bring a book, a game or just hang out when I’m watching tv because I need that downtime in between activities. Great idea, except she won’t be my nurse anymore. It seems that the Long Island bus line cut many bus times and she didn’t have transportation. Monday I’m getting a new nurse that will be here all 3 days.

I need to remember the aide is here to help me. She’s supposed to help me clean, do laundry, and cook. I can’t feel guilty or controlling when she’s doing it or feel I have to do it also. That’s the point, I can’t.  It’s easier said then done. Right now, I’m hoping I like the new aide coming Monday. I liked the last one. Although, none of them will replace the comfort level my daughter gives.