The first kiss was the last kiss

The first kiss was the last kiss

I shared my story of my kiss last week. It was nice. The truth is I shut myself off from all relationships for over a year. That was my first kiss in 14 months. However, I’m pretty sure it was the last kiss with him. I’ve spoken to him a couple of times since then, but I think we’re going to be friends and that’s OK. When I turn this over to the universe I said the best outcome for the situation. I have to be honest he asked about the MS, he knew nothing about it. He thought I got better soon it’s just took time. When I explain how it never gets better, it will get worse he probably did some research. This might not be true I make daily affirmations that I shouldn’t make any assumptions or judgements The fact is when a guy likes you and he knows there’s interest in the girls side too he makes an effort to see you again, that hasn’t happened. I’m not making an assumption with that.

So how do I feel about that? My ego wants to feel hurt and rejected. To a degree it is a little bit. I know it’s not personal. I know he kissed me. I know he was interested. I don’t believe this was personal or really had anything to do with me, in the sense of something in my control. If it was the MS or if it was something I said or did in three days, four days, this really probably had nothing to do with me. If it was my multiple sclerosis, it’s a lot for someone to take on. It wasn’t me that he was rejecting it was the fact that he couldn’t do that kind of life with someone with a chronic illness so why start. Again this is just an assumption and it’s not a fact. He was a good guy and he is totally cool. I have no issue with any decision or outcome that comes. Sometimes it’s hard to step away and look from an outside perspective. My one question I have is why the universe put him in my path? What is it that he was teaching me? Was that it? It’s not personal, and don’t take it as such?

I have come so far and I’m so proud of myself. I have realized I would like to met someone so opening that door again is a great thing. I really felt I closed it for good. I thank him for that. Maybe that was the learning, that I’m open for a relationship!!! This is why I write my blog. Part to share information, part to tell my experiences and part to work out what is going on in my life. For that I will always be grateful. Writing an online journal for the world to read, there is no better therapy.

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