Oh, it’s just me, myself and I
Solo ride until I die
‘Cause I got me for life
Oh I don’t need a hand to hold
Even when the night is cold
I got that fire in my soul
I woke up singing this song this morning. It’s easy to feel that way with a chronic illness. Especially if you’re single. It’s not that I don’t have a great family, I do. It’s not that I don’t have great friends, I do. Just sometimes I feel lonely. Not all the time, not even most of the time, but some times I wake up a little sad.
I have to admit, I threw in the towel about a year and a half ago on relationships. I just thought I had nothing left to give. Then I met someone in January. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out on a romantic level but I gained an awesome friend. It was nice having that hope again. I didn’t even realize I missed it. Now that it’s gone, I’ve been a little sad. I once again realized, I don’t want to be alone forever. I’ve said my prayers to the universe and open my door once again to love. I joked with my life coach and told her I open the door, I put our hors d’oeuvres, I poured the wine and I lit candles LOL. The invitation is open. It’s just a matter of where.
I live in a small world with a chronic illness. It’s hard to meet people when you spend most your time being in your own condo. I don’t think I can online date anymore. I don’t think I have the energy for “dating”. I just trust that the universe has my back because that is my belief. I believe in the chance meeting and fate. It’s not about me being pretty, not about me having MS, it’s about me having a good heart. That’s the truth about me and what I’ve always felt. I have a good heart especially when I love somebody. I know it will come because I’m finally ready. I’m open and not so scared. In the meantime, I am so happy with who I’ve become that I’m ok with me, myself and I while waiting. It took me a long time to put myself back together again but I am a better person, even with some cracks.