Should I say Happy Anniversary to myself? It was an after work doctors appointment January 21, 2016 when he said “ENOUGH”. He knew since the summer before I was getting worse, I was the one in denial. On January 22, 2016 I called my job and said my doctor is putting me out on disability and I never was back.  I kept pushing and pushing to continue to work. I was working part in the building and part at home, I could handle that.  I look back now and I say why??? Did anyone need me? Yes I was good at my job, but the year before I cleaned up the mess I inherited. By the time I left everything was running well. I wasn’t needed, and guess what when I left, the place kept on going.

I was put on short term disability to start, as you need to be in New York State. I started working on my long term social security disability application sometime in April. I also worked on my New York State Medicaid application for my health insurance, because that would run out when I was finished with my short term disability. I was lucky with the Medicaid because part of my job for 13 years was Medicaid so I was well versed in what needed to be done. My long term disability was approved in six weeks time. I have NEVER heard of a disability application going through that fast. Most people I know,even with multiple sclerosis, were denied at least once and did an appeal. Everything to change from short term to long term went so smoothly I never even had a disruption in monthly income or health insurance.   It was all meant to be.

I can’t imagine working now. Every step is so difficult to take, every task is an ordeal, every obligation can become overwhelming. My mom says it’s because, in all honesty, I’m worse than I even was during that last year working. She also says “you don’t remember what you were like come the weekend. You were spent, you had nothing left. You went nowhere, did nothing. You’d have breakdowns if you had too much going on after work because your body couldn’t handle anymore. You don’t remember the amount of tears you cried.” The tears of extreme exhaustion I’ve written about many times.  Now it doesn’t matter, everything worked out as it should, when it should. I miss the mental part of work for sure,  but the person today is much happier. My life needed to become easier and it did. My multiple sclerosis isn’t better, not working wasn’t a cure, but it is what was needed and it was time. Everything just fell inline. Happy Anniversary to me.