I may have slept for twenty minutes at the most. I know at some point my dogs started playing with each other like it was the afternoon. One of them was sick, I was cleaning up my floor at wee hours of the morning. I was crying because when I’m that tired and can’t sleep I get very frustrated and cranky. I can’t take not sleeping. It’s just the worst thing that could happen t me. It’s this arm, the tendonitis , and nothing is working. I just don’t know what to do. It almost feels like my arm is out of the socket of the shoulder sometimes. So every time I move it, I just have so much pain. It can’t stay in the same place and it’s hard to find a comfortable position. I’m taking a prescription ibuprofen, Neurontin, baclofen, regular over the counter ibuprofen and nothing is working. It will work usually for a little while, and then wake me up, but last night nothing, nothing would work. To make it even worse, today it is so sore I can barely hold it up.
So what are my options? Try to drug myself ? Well doing that will affect the MS and make all my symptoms even worse. As it is the pain from my shoulder is causing all my symptoms to act up and give problems. Hell for all I know everything is just getting worse and worse and I just gonna have to deal with this to every day. I always said I don’t know how people deal with pain, it’s the one thing I can never do. Pain and vertigo those are my two MS symptoms that I prayed I never had. In 19 years I’ve escaped both of them. The pain I have is not from my MS, but the pain is causing my MS symptoms to worsen and making everything more difficult. With my legs being weak on a good day, I rely on the strength of my arms. Now one arm is really useless and the other arm is aching because it is being overused to compensate and I’m straining it. The only thing that’s made a difference is the Cortisone shots, which I can’t get until June sometime. The doctor said the reason the Cortisone isn’t lasting for at least three months, like it does for most patients, is because the interaction with my MS medication. And of course insurance won’t permit you to get a Cortisone shot early, so here I am suffering. Here I am at 7:30 in the morning absolutely miserable, exhausted, cranky, frustrated, and in pain and the answer is, “sorry, can’t help you”. I honestly don’t know how people deal with pain day to day. It is the most horrible feeling.
I wish I can end this on a better note. I go to physical therapy today. We are supposed to be revising my routine to take away some of the activities on my leg and actually work on some activities to help the tendonitis, so we’ll see how that goes. This will be my first day back after my horrible experience last week. I talked about here in this blog. https://multipleexperiences.org/2017/05/09/2231/. I do have to say my dogs are both sleeping right next to me. I think their sleep was pretty much affected last night too, they are both exhausted. It is very cute ????.