On Monday something strange happened with my hands. I actually shouldn’t say strange because this symptom happened every time my fever spiked over 102 degrees. My hands became claws. I call them claws because they fold in and makes it very difficult to grab and pick things up. The better definition lies in this post. https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/shaking-curled-claw-hand. I couldn’t hold my fork eating a fruit salad. I tried to eat a muffin and I dropped the thing 4 times before I gave up. What was worse, I felt fatigue in my hands. When physical therapy came I knew I couldn’t get up. I didn’t have the energy. I felt like it was a wasted a PT session. I felt like I was wasting precious time to improve. I was disappointed. I wasn’t able to use my hands until around 6pm that evening. My hands were in that claw like position for 6 hours. No fever this time. No idea why it happened again.

Wednesday was PT again. My hands were fine so I was ready to work. I sat up at the end of my bed and I immediately felt like I couldn’t breathe right. My heart rate, which has been high, was ridiculously high. Like 140 and all I was doing was sitting up. I just couldn’t get a handle on my breathing. As soon as I laid back down, my heart rate lowered and I was able to breathe. I was shaken. My therapist was concerned as well. He asked if they ever X-rayed my chest to make sure the pneumonia was actually gone. I never did. The pulmonologist explained that the pneumonia itself might show on an X-ray for a few months. The key thing is the infection is gone. I was feeling better, breathing better. I never thought of it again, until yesterday. The memory of the pneumonia flooded back. I honestly said I can’t do this again, I will die. I was really nervous. Guilty even, thinking I dropped the ball not having signed up doctor to come see me at home.

I asked my PT if we could try again. I sat up without any breathing problem. Unfortunately, my multiple sclerosis prevented me from standing. Okay maybe that wasn’t totally MS. It was probably from the rush of adrenaline earlier when I couldn’t breathe. I was at least thankful I didn’t have a repeat episode of breathing issues. It bothered me all night. What was that? I’ve been so focused on my breathing now that I might be imagining feelings deep in my lungs. I decided to sit up at the end of the bed the next morning. I did so with no problems. I also have a doctor coming to the house on May 2.