I’ve been so involved with the transition to Ocrevus, that I haven’t talked about that I was approved for the nursing aide by my insurance.The evaluator put the request in for 7 days but I really didn’t want an aide 7 days a week. I wouldn’t even know what to do with someone here that many days.  My caseworker told me, with the multiple sclerosis diagnosis, it is easy to get the increases if needed. I decided on 3 days a week 4 hours a day. Technically I start Monday, but that is considered a processing day, the aide won’t be here until Wednesday.

It will be an adjustment. She is here from 9-1 Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Normally I go to therapy on Monday and Friday at 8:30. So the first thing I have to decide is do I bring her? Do I go earlier so I’m home by 9? Do I go to therapy on Tuesday and Thursday? The truth behind therapy is it knocks me out. Having the aid here would be a big help. Then comes the other side of the coin. I need the aide around to help me cook, shower, clean, get a food delivery, or do laundry. I’m too tired after therapy to do most of that.  So what is the right answer? It sounds silly, even when I read it over, but I find that the more structured my life is, the easier it is for me to deal with.

I must also admit, I’m a little sad. I need the aide for 2 reasons. First, my MS is bad enough that I need help. That’s disheartening. I can’t do a lot on my own. That leads to the second reason. I’m alone.  I’m divorced and my baby is going to college. She’s graduating high school this weekend and will be living in NYC by the end of August. She’ll be very close and home a lot but it’s bitter sweet. She’s my little girl and it’s been “us” for so long. It’s an adjustment like everything else.

I’m very grateful that I got the help I needed even though my head still isn’t 100% wrapped around the idea. I now will need to take the assistance from the person that’s here specifically here to assist. I’m stubborn, I try to do it all by myself. I’ve had 3 falls in less than 5 days, trying to do things by myself. I’m going to have to stop being so bullheaded. This aide, this assistance, is long overdue. I know it will put everyone in my family at ease that someone is here. I know deep down I too am grateful.