I made two simple resolutions this coming year; to join the Marianne Williamson daily workshop on both A Course in Miracles text and workbook and post blog posts again. Two very simple things that are easy to do. Plus two things that ultimately make me happy. So here I am with my first blog post of 2025.

I have to say 2024 went really fast. I achieved a long time goal of mine. I hit every exercise goal set monthly in my Apple Watch. In 2023 I had missed one month and it drove me crazy. I was determined to hit it for the next year. If you miss a month you can’t go back and make it up. Every month you need to be on target. Some months were really hard but I powered through. I knew going into 2025 that the chance of me hitting each month was slim. Unfortunately, multiple sclerosis stepped in about 6 months ago and slowly but steadily has weakened my right side. My right side, which has always offset the weakness on the left, has become as weak as the left. It has been a challenge.

I’ve always favored my right side since my first MS episode. That relapse was my entire left side. I always said I recovered about 85% from that relapse. There was definitely some residual that I was left with that never came back to full strength. Plus, I’m right handed, right side dominant. So the right side just picked up for any weakness. of course, over the years, the right side has become weaker as well. however, in relation to the left side, it was always considerably stronger. I first realized I was having a problem when I was unable to get up from my bed. Usually, I push myself up to stand with my right leg and then the left leg follow suit. I couldn’t get my right leg to engage. Here I am six months later, and I can’t stand at all. My aids have to transfer me from my bed to the wheelchair. My hand was the second thing that was hard not to notice. When doing my exercises, my left hand normally gets weak and can’t hold the bar. I have to put my hand on the side of it. My right hand then just take the brunt of the weight holding the bar. Now, my right hand can’t hold the bar either. It is made my exercising with my arms, extremely difficult. Anybody that knows me or even reads my blog should know that my exercising is my much needed me time. To not be able to do it correctly after it’s already so minimal frustrates the hell out of me. Yep that’s only the beginning of the problem with my right hand. Everything I do is my right hand. It doesn’t recover well. I have issues using my phone. I drop everything. My hand fatigues easily. Sometimes I have problems eating at night because I can’t lift the fork. It has been once again disheartening.

Don’t ever say it can’t get worse, I know for a fact it can. My doctor doesn’t have an answer which I hate even more. She’s my doctor and there are no answers out there, but I’m really starting to hate hearing her say I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. 27 years is a long time with one disease. I know many people that are doing just fine. I know people that are like me. I just know that no matter what drug I was on I always had relapses every year. I never was quiet with my multiple sclerosis in all these years. The fact that I am where I am, shouldn’t be a surprise. I just wish that we could put on the brakes for a few years. I didn’t realize what an unreasonable request this would turn out to be.