What started out as a good day ended pretty horrible. Getting the last few items together for me trip, I ended up severely exhausted. I don’t even know if exhausted is the right word. I had to get something in my daughter’s closet for her and it required me to go to the floor. I really knew this was bad because I was so tired, I just didn’t realize how bad. I couldn’t get up. I didn’t even have the strength to crawl to a better place to help myself up. I was stuck and alone. Exhausted. It took me about 30 minutes to get myself standing to get out of her room. I was trying to get to my room where my scooter is. This is maybe 15 steps away and each step was immensely difficult. When I got there, all I could do was cry. I was rattled to the core. Shaken and alone with the reality of my disease smacking me in the face. I gained my composure and went out to my living room. I slide over to my comfy chair and didn’t move again for two hours. When I did I was a little better but still not great. I went to bed and slept terrible.
This morning things weren’t much better. Things were rough and I’m writing this in the car fully exhausted. I’m tired of fighting to walk. I never thought I’d ever say that. I think I have just finally hit the end of the battle. When I was tossing and turning all night last night the thought that kept running through my head was I’ve fought for over 20 years, I think I’m done fighting this part of the fight. I’m not done fighting MS, just the part of being on my feet. I’m exhausted not just yesterday, most days. Is it ok stop fighting?