I’m getting tired of fighting

I’m getting tired of fighting

What started out as a good day ended pretty horrible. Getting the last few items together for me trip, I ended up severely exhausted. I don’t even know if exhausted is the right word. I had to get something in my daughter’s closet for her and it required me to go to the floor. I really knew this was bad because I was so tired, I just didn’t realize how bad. I couldn’t get up. I didn’t even have the strength to crawl to a better place to help myself up. I was stuck and alone. Exhausted. It took me about 30 minutes to get myself standing to get out of her room. I was trying to get to my room where my scooter is. This is maybe 15 steps away and each step was immensely difficult. When I got there, all I could do was cry. I was rattled to the core. Shaken and alone with the reality of my disease smacking me in the face. I gained my composure and went out to my living room. I slide over to my comfy chair and didn’t move again for two hours. When I did I was a little better but still not great. I went to bed and slept terrible.

This morning things weren’t much better. Things were rough and I’m writing this in the car fully exhausted. I’m tired of fighting to walk. I never thought I’d ever say that. I think I have just finally hit the end of the battle. When I was tossing and turning all night last night the thought that kept running through my head was I’ve fought for over 20 years, I think I’m done fighting this part of the fight. I’m not done fighting MS, just the part of being on my feet. I’m exhausted not just yesterday, most days. Is it ok stop fighting?

7 thoughts on “I’m getting tired of fighting

  1. Just keep on going,I find that that if I don’t get it done by 12 noon,just don’t do it,my batteries are only good for a few hours,then need recharging and this only works by a good night’s sleep,just lying down doesn’t do it.its all in the brain,which sleeping recharged it just pace yourself,I am 67 and know what it’s like.ok,no more rambling on.😎

  2. That’s a tough one! I’m not the best person to answer because I’m not anywhere near that point, and I am stubborn as hell. Having said that, I believe we all reach a point where it is time to stop beating one’s head against a wall and we are the only ones who know when that point it reached. As long as you aren’t giving up completely, I think it is okay to concede a battle provided you don’t surrender the war

  3. Hey there… my name is Tanya from Sydney Australia… I read your blog almost daily… sometimes twice daily just do I can tead your words that tell me “My Story”….

    “My Story “ is my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis’s name MS for short…

    I have only just recently started writing on my blog (started about 15 days ago) but have many years of writing behind me & I have much written material to add.

    What got me reading your blog this week was your story about having to get something from your daughters wardrobe…. I can empathise with you as that was me Monday week ago crumbled on the shower floor without any means of getting back onto my feet.

    I wish at times that both you snd I could see the humour of being stuck in a kick ass MS pose that deems us pained and lost in our our world for what seems yo be days at a time…

    I was diagnosed with PPMS 5 years ago but it is in the doctors beliefs that I have had it dince I was in my late teens and or early 20’s, a long time without a diagnosis… but raising kids was who I was and the pain and discomfort I just learned to suck it up.

    I hope that you find comfort in your writing and or blogging… sometimes all we need is a distraction from the reality of a pain that can not be taken away buy taking a pill.

    If you would like to connect let me know via email or via my blog (information given below).

    Feel better soon & thankyou for putting “your story “ out there in support of others.

    1. Thank you. I usually am such a positive person but I got rocked to my core yesterday. It’s hard still to say “I can’t” especially to my daughter.
      I was deflated when I wrote this post but I need to vent and put my feelings and struggles on papers. After all with a chronic illness it’s not all roses and butterflies.
      I’m Jamie my email is youtwohearts@yahoo.com I’d love to hear more about you. I am going to be following your blog for sure. 😊

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