Good morning and happy Monday. In the US its Labor Day and most people are off from work. Today marks the end of summer. School usually starts tomorrow for most kids. To me, it’s another day. I don’t work anymore. It’s been well over a year, closer to two years and I’m still adjusting to that fact. You’d think I’d have all this time on my hands but everyday seems to fly by no different than if I was on vacation. I do my activities, therapy or Tai Chi. I run some errands picking up my prescription or going to the bank. Some days I may have a lunch date but most days I’m home. For me, today marks the first day I have a full-time aide. I’m 45 years old. I never imagined this is where I’d be when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis almost 20 years ago. I don’t think I imagined I’d be here when I stopped working 2 years ago. Yet, here I am. I know I’m lucky to have the help, and believe me, I’m grateful. Just understand I need to vent.

When I was a teenager and would have an argument with my mom, I’d make this blanket threat, I’d put her in a nursing home. I was between 13-16 years old, I really had no idea what a nursing home was. It was just words but my grandfather hated those words. He would tell me how horrible of a thing that was to say. Ironically, I ended up working in a nursing home for 13 years. I lived in that industry and saw people in the aging and sick community get cared for 24/7 by nursing aides. I guess in my mind I formed a perception. I watched this for 13 years mostly the old but some just sick with all types of ailments and these people couldn’t care for themselves. Here I am, needing help because I am having problems caring for myself. Is 24/7 nursing care MY future. I mean I’m 45 and I’m at 5 days 8 hours a day. Yes, far from full-time but is that a realistic possibility in my future? Right now to keep me independent I need the help. It’s just crazy.

45 years old

It is a difficult pill to swallow.