I spent 6 hours at the hair salon the other day. I had my hair straightened. A long process but worth the time it takes. I will not have to worry about doing my hair all summer. Shower, let dry naturally and it comes out perfect. That takes a tremendous amount of pressure off me not having to worry about my hair. Anytime I can clear something off my plate, I take it happily. The only thing is the straightening strips my hair dye. The color becomes an orange brown. Sometimes I like it for a change but I always hate it eventually. Since I was going to my daughter’s graduation, and there will be pictures, I had a rinse put through to tone it down. Unfortunately, in direct sunlight it is still orange.
I need to figure out what I’m going to wear for her graduation. Jeans have become very difficult for me to wear. I can’t do buttons so unless something is big enough to not need to be unbuttoned, I’ve been in various forms of sweats and pull up pants. Now I’m going out in public, I don’t have a clue what I have anymore in my closet.
My weight hasn’t changed I loose a few pounds and gain a few pounds. I joined a weight loss group called Found. I speak with someone who helps motivate and coach you a few times a week. That isn’t my issue. I am back to tracking everything I eat and staying at a 1200 calorie per day regardless of exercise. Nothing moves. I still go up and down. If I’m lucky I may lose a .5 a month. It isn’t consistent nor is it cumulative. It has been frustrating. The coach at least helps me deal with some of the frustration. She definitely has helped me get back into some spiritual exercises I’ve been ignoring. I’m remembering things I’m grateful for each morning and night. Meditating every day. The main thing is looking in the mirror and giving myself positive affirmations. This is definitely a difficult task for me to do. I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible. I certainly am not comfortable saying I love you and my body while I’m gazing at my reflection. I have been doing it, mostly, I’ve definitely missed days here and there. I still hate doing this but I firmly believe I need to love myself where I am before I can love myself at any other weight. Sometimes I feel like my body is holding onto the weight because my conscious and subconscious are not in line with each other. My meditation is very focused on changing that. I do a lot of self esteem, confidence and self love meditations. It is an area that I’ve struggled with my whole life. I’m eating right, exercising and now I need to focus on the one place it never comes together, mentally. It is a very difficult thing to do. I’ve hated my body and my reflection for most of my life. I know this will take a considerable amount of work.
Now that I went completely off topic. I wasn’t planning on discussing any of that. Oh well. It wasn’t something that was a bad topic. It’s hard to loose weight when your in a wheelchair. That’s why I need my workouts. I’d rather workout and exhausted myself than doing anything else any day. I’m feeling better where I finally put cardio back down in my exercise routine. I know I need to give myself a break. I am doing everything right. I know one day it will catch up on the scale too. So one week at a time.