I’m frustrated today. I’ve joined an online program for weight loss. I’ve at my 3 month mark and I’ve gained 5lbs. Yes GAINED. I am the most health-conscious fat person I know. I’ve stopped eating vegan some time ago when I switch my home meal delivery service. I use cook unity now https://www.cookunity.com/landing-referral?referral_code=jams440863. I get to pick from over 100 different meals each week and I love the food. Forever conscious of the food I eat they also offer a full breakdown of everything in the meals from calories to ingredients. I even can get these great nutrition charts based on the meals I ordered.

I have so many ways to see what I’m eating and I still track my food in a food diary daily on LifeSum. I don’t eat breakfast so I consume 2 meals a day, if that. Sometimes I choose to have fruit for lunch. I eat 1200 calories or less most days. On the weekend I allow myself some variation. I might have a treat or a higher calorie meal but even that I track consistently. Even at my absolute worst, in the last three months the most I was over calories from my 1200 budget for an entire week was 400-500 calories. Yet I am so inconsistent on the scale. I might lose 3 pounds one week gained 4 pounds the week after day and a pound the week after and then lose 5 pounds the final week. By the months end I am usually back to where I started or up slightly.

Now everybody can understand why am obsessed with exercise. However, I’ve been obsessed with exercise for a really long time. I just don’t get it. If one more doctor tells me it’s because I’m in a wheelchair and my life is sedimentary I might have to kill them. I get that I don’t move as much as other people, but I eat nothing. What do I have to do go down to 800 calories a day? Oh wait, now they are throwing my age as yet another reason. I’ve been struggling with this weight gain for about three or four years now. I still can’t get it under control. I’ve tried keto. I’ve been vegan. I’ve been on weight watchers, Noom, and now Found, nothing works.

My coach says to be happy with the progress I’ve been making on myself, I’m always making progress on myself. I work on myself every day. I try really hard to not let it get to me. To accept where I am at this stage of life, but it is so difficult. I just try really hard. It’s one thing if I didn’t see fast weight loss, but it’s another thing to see these ridiculous fluctuations. It’s been suggestion for me to see a nutritionist, I’ve seen nutritionists. I’ve seen them all, tried them all, attempted to do everything. I am at a complete loss. I just know that it isn’t just to look good anymore it is to take the pressure off of my body. I just wish I had an idea about what I’m doing wrong.

I signed up with Found for a six month commitment. I still have three months to go. I have changed my exercise program once again putting in more lifting weights. I know from my own research that muscle burns fat even when you’re at rest i’m definitely trying to increase muscle mass. As far as the rest of it, I really just don’t have an answer right now. I’m just frustrated and I’m tired of being frustrated. I’ve battled weight my whole life. There is very little I haven’t learned about exercise and diet at this point. However non of my own knowledge is serving me and no knowledge from others is helping either. For me it’s not about willpower or making wrong choices. 99% of the time I’m perfect. For me it’s when the frustration hits that I fall off track. Right now I’m definitely having difficulty staying on track.