The girl that says No

The girl that says No

I hate being this person. I hate making the decisions and choices and saying No to things because “I don’t feel good”. I’m use to all this garbage but I still hate it. I got a long week coming up. And I just haven’t been feeling great. I canceled a lot of stuff over the last two weeks and I’m happy to say that at least I could. I’m lucky that I’m in the position and I have the option to say I’m not gonna go today and I’m going to stay home and relax. I understand how fortunate I am for that. It doesn’t make me not get sad when I say no to things I want to do with friends though. It’s easy to say no I don’t want to go to physical therapy, it’s not so easy to say it’s not a good day for me to hang out. I need to be in bed early.

I’ve been sleeping 10-11 hours every night. I’ve spent most of the day watching TV. I do gaze out my windows a lot to watch the boats go by. I’m so happy for my view. Certainly beats the top of a tree and houses I looked at for 11 years in my apartment. The water brings a calmness to me. It’s meditative in its own way.

I couldn’t even swim this week, which was probably a good thing. I had my hair straightened on Sunday and even though this type of straightening is fine with chlorine, they recommend you wait a week before you swim.

I am in conservation mode. That’s why I cancelled things. I have 3 doctors appointments next week, brunch with a girlfriend, my greatest friend from Canada coming (so excited), my balcony windows installed and my MS trainer. It is a lot. I know it is and I have to be smart, especially because I haven’t been feeling well for two weeks. I just hate saying no. I hate being that girl. I understand I need to make these choices but after all this time, all these years, I still hate it.

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