Life after working

Life after working

This morning I was watching people get in their cars and head out for work. There was a part of me that was jealous. Jealous that their life was easy in a way mine wasn’t. I stopped working three years ago. Since then I had to get an aid to assist me 5 days a week, I’m in a wheelchair when I leave my house and I now drive a handicap vehicle. That’s a big change from the days when I worked.

The last year working, even though I worked from home 2 days a week, was so hard for me. My mom spent many drives home on the phone with me crying from exhaustion. I look back on that last year wondering how I pushed through it. It was at a doctors appointment that he saw that decline in my appearance and motor skills that he said enough and put me immediately out on sick leave. Unfortunately I never bounced back with any strength or healing even after steroids. I continued to decline and my short term leave became long term permanent disability. I just hit my 18 year of being diagnosed with MS then. I was fortunate to be as strong as I was for as long as I was.

As I watched the people getting in their cars this morning, i realized they were doing something I couldn’t do anymore. My body has limits and working an 8 hour day is way beyond that limit. I can’t even last at the mahjong table for less than half that time. My hands can’t write or type anymore. I can barley get myself dressed in the morning. I realized I am so fortunate that I had the ability to stop working and still be able to live a life. I have the support of a wonderful family and friends. I was able to qualify for an aid that helps me through the day get things done I couldn’t do alone. I might not have the normal life of everyone else but I still have a good life.

2 thoughts on “Life after working

  1. I know the feeling. I used to work as a technician/manager for a national assembly company. I did that job for almost a decade… and about 8 of those years after my ms diagnosis. Left the work force and applied for disability in 2015 and whenever I go to one of the places I used to service I get sad. The job wasn’t amazing but you miss things like that when you can’t do them anymore (or to the same degree). I can still get around for the most part but the mental stuff for me is definitely the worst. I know that some people deal with more cognitive issues than others and that’s definitely me.

    1. There is something sad about it and grateful for the disability at the same time. I don’t have the cognitive I have all the physical and the fatigue. I know many with the cognitive and that is exhausting in itself. I’m glad you had the ability to leave the workforce too.

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