I had another rough night. This time I was alone. My daughter has been home for two months and the one night she’s out I really needed her. Unfortunately in my exhausted state, I fell. Not only did I fall but I was in a very bad spot. I was now exhausted and helpless. Not a good place to be. I spent a lot of time and energy maneuvering myself into a position of hope. Hope that I could possibly get myself off the floor. This included hanging off the footpad of my wheelchair while steering it backwards with my left hand towards my bedroom. This way at least I was on carpet with a chance at some footing. Well my thinking was correct it just took my almost an hour to get myself up.

I was so happy when I got to my feet. The only place I wanted to go was to my comfy chair. It was still early I wanted to just put on the TV and catch my breath. I should have been smarter. I was three shades past exhaustion. Even the simplest thing of transferring from my wheelchair to my comfy chair proved too difficult

These three little steps that I do in a half turn…I didn’t make it. After spending so much energy getting up the first time around, I had nothing left. The tears came because I knew I couldn’t get up. I had a pity party for about a minute and stopped. I certainly know by now that the tears only make things worse. I regrouped…and somehow sat myself up. I even sat Indian style, great stretch I might add. I waited, not really moving, for a good 15 minutes. I somehow got myself up again and into my comfy chair. I sat there until my daughter came home.

On Sunday I woke up and felt tired. I exercised as normal but not as long as I would have liked. My body was tired. As the day went in tired turned to sore. Line my arms had a really good weight workout from the day before. Guess what, they did. Triceps, biceps and shoulders all were worked to muscle fatigue. Better than my P90X. Yet my Apple Watch detected a big ZERO in exercise. My body begs to differ. In a complete, exhausted sweat I tried and tried to get up off the floor. The more I tried, the more I fatigued.

Multiple Sclerosis is not an easy disease nor is it fair. For all my days of being positive, I have my moments too. Yesterday after I got myself up for the second time, I called my mom because I needed my mommy at that moment. I just needed to hear her voice and get the kind of love and empathy a mom gives. It was a rough night that my body still felt the next day. That night I hated my MS.