I am very weak. My legs can’t hold me up for long. PT has been working on just getting me up and standing. I never thought something so simple would be so hard. Let me tell you, it is so hard. I try to sway back and forth shifting my weight as I hold onto a walker. I had to sit down again because I have no endurance. One day I was able to get back up once. The other day I got back up 4 times. My small victories. They are really small. It takes a lot to remain positive.
My every day life is now from my bed. This was the last place I thought I would be. I didn’t have days filled with activities but I was exercising daily. I miss exercising. Now I get fatigued so easily. I was doing my medication the other day. I fatigued my hands so much I couldn’t text for 4+ hours. I have to reserve my energy for the days when PT comes. I can do some little things on the other days but I easily fatigue. It is far from exercise.
My one goal has been my Bionic Gym. I have had that on my list since I got home. I knew I had to be pneumonia free and breathing well before I even attempted to use the Bionic Gym. I am definitely ok with that now. I’ll need help getting it wrapped around my thighs. That might prove to be a challenge with these new aides and me being bed bound. I figured I could roll over to get the back of the thighs secured. Once on, you just sit there anyway. I will not be able to do it at my high intensity or duration. I did will have to work myself up to the higher levels. I am also hoping that it will help strengthen my quad muscles. This will ultimately help with my endurance and strength. I have to start from the beginning.
My journey is going to be slow. Very slow. It is so easy to let that black cloud sweep over my world. Staying positive is a challenge I face everyday. I knew that I was going to have to deal with the MS when I got better. I never realized just what muscle atrophy from being in bed can do. I wish I had people moving my legs during all the time I was hospitalized. I never understood. I made a grave misjudgment.