I’m better. No more fevers. My breathing is back to normal. I’m completely done with antibiotics. I have no more signs of the pneumonia. Great news. Yes it is. Yet the aftermath is as I expected. I was weakened from being in a bed for 1 1/2 months on top of my multiple sclerosis symptoms worsening. I had no time to adjust to my new body because I was so sick. I wasn’t focusing on my MS while I had covid. I certainly couldn’t focus on my symptoms when I was running fevers of 102.7. I was sick for so long, MS took a back seat to my health.

I’m better and now I realize how bad the weakness is as well as the change in MS symptoms. Things have become worse. My feet and hands are so numb, much more so than before the hospital. My feet feel like there is no blood circulating through out the day. I find myself constantly trying to move my feet thinking that would help circulation. My right foot doesn’t even move that much on it’s own. I can’t always get my right foot to bend. I was driving with my right foot before I went to the hospital. At times it gets so uncomfortable that it almost hurts. I have this pain sometimes in my back like my bra is digging into my skin but I’m not wearing a bra. I have this phantom leg feeling like my legs are bent or out to the side when they are completely straight. I had difficulty telling tactile feelings in my left hand. Now it is almost impossible and has become just as bad in the right hand. I have to rub things on my face to tell if it is wet or dry. This is my new normal.

Normally the worsening of symptoms is gradual. This might have been slowly happening over the last 3 months but I was preoccupied with being sick. I was so sick, To me the new worsening symptoms are immediate. I haven’t had time to adjust. I knew the aftermath would be ugly. I am now doing more intensive PT but I have no idea what will be in the end. There is no way to predict MS. My body has been through a lot. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of what my future looks like. I just try to focus on the small daily victories. Today I did my pill boxes. My hands got exhausted but I did them myself. I was proud. It took me hours to recover. I realized that my determination hasn’t diminished. I will still work as hard as I can to reach those little victories. Today might be really hard but tomorrow will be a little better.