I am going to attempt to play mahjong today with the girls. This will be my first time since December. I am looking forward to playing. I also hope I can play. It would be a shame if I am still too weak to play. I have had enough reminders as to where I am today as opposed to where I was. Mahjong is my favorite and I really don’t want to be discouraged by something else. I put off trying long enough.
I have still remained in my silent bubble. I’ve answered my phone. I’ve texted with friends and family. I went down to game day on Wednesday. Yet, I still feel most content in my room alone. Actually, I feel the most content with my dogs in my room and they’ve recently have been here. Their favorite aide had a few days off. I am tired of people always telling me to go outside for a walk, get some fresh air. I have no desire to be outside. It’s hot out there. I don’t need to breathe hot oven air outside. I’m perfectly fine with my AC, fan and air purifier. Why is being indoors such a bad thing? I always hibernate in the summer due to the heat. This year I’m just more content at not having company in my home than prior times. There has been a lot going on in the last few weeks. There has been a lot going on in the last 6 months.
I think the universe really needs to turn the tides now. I can use a change in the flow of the water. I am tired. I sleep really well and I wake up tired. Thank heavens for Provigil, otherwise I’d sleep the day away. I workout first thing in the morning for a reason. I can’t imagine trying to pull that off at 4pm. I’d prefer to just not feel so drained everyday. I don’t think it is solely due to multiple sclerosis fatigue, although that is definitely a factor. It is just everything getting to me. The simplest things are sending me over the edge. FedEx lost my package for 3 days which had my Apple Watch. Now I won’t get that back for another week due to their delay. My refrigerator has sprung another leak in the water line. This is the 4th time I’ve had to fix this line for a pin size hole. I’ve become an expert but it is still super frustrating. Please universe, I just need the energy to switch gears.
I was told that we can ask the universe for anything. I’m asking for this. My energy needs to shift. I need to sync in a different way. I re-found my spiritual path but I am still cleaning of the dirt I’ve put in the way. I need my quiet space to help me reflect as well as refocus. There isn’t anything wrong with being content disconnected from other people. Sometimes that is what you need.