I think for anyone that has had a chronic illness for any length of time has sat and remembered what it was like before the illness. Or at least what it was like before it got really bad. We remember when we used to dance, run, or have any exorbitant amount of energy. We remember when we taught our child maybe to ice skate or ride a bike. Maybe you remember Sunday afternoon hikes up the mountain. All these wonderful activities that an illness has now stolen away from you. I read your blogs, we all have the stories of the “way we were”. We remember these things with a hint of sadness of how much things changed since becoming sick.
I remember sitting in my neurologist office and hearing my step dad say how he and my mom talk about how multiple sclerosis rob their daughter of a life. I said it then, and I still believe it, I don’t know why I was given MS but maybe there is a bigger reason. I certainly never felt like MS robbed me of a life. At least not on most days. No, I’m never going to dance again, run or climb any mountains but let’s be real here, I didn’t run or climb mountains and I was only really dancing at affairs. Right now my biggest wish is to be able to walk into my nearest convenience store and buy milk without having to get my walker out of the car. My life’s ambitions have drastically reduced. Sure, it would be really nice if I didn’t have bathroom accidents anymore. That for a 45 years old is a little tough to deal with, but hey could be worse could be not going at all because I’m in a box, 6 feet in the ground. Sure it would be lovely to be able to dance again at an affair but I’m starting to notice the music is getting younger and I’m getting older and I don’t know the songs anyway.
I think I ,and most people with a chronic disease, love the memories of the “way we were” but don’t sit each day and dwell on the loss of what we were. We remember an easier time in our life before we had no choice but to become the strong, fighting, fierce individuals we are today. Why we were chosen to have the hand we were dealt we may never know but I know that each of us have become what we are today because of all our obstacles and challenges of our disease not because of the way we were.