If you follow my blog you know I’m normally positive. I don’t have the energy to be positive right now. I am so tired of being 46 and having to have somebody cut my food. If I make some sort of protein for dinner, like steak which I recently started eating, my aid has to cut it before she leaves. I could barely even cut chicken. I can barely use one of my stainless steel silverware and usually opt for plastic. I don’t eat from my pretty plates because they’re hard for me to hold, I usually use Tupperware that’s lighter, unless I’m at the table.

My hands fatigue so much that sometimes it’s hard for me to use the remote. It’s such a little remote and to hit the correct buttons when I’m looking for something, it’s so difficult. Sometimes my hand can’t hold the thing.

Everything I drink have covers on it like I’m in preschool again so I don’t spill it all over the place. If I pick things up with my left hand, there’s a very good chance it’s going to be on the floor. This includes my drinks, two hands please. If it is a small item, I may or may not even notice it happens. Many times I can’t even pick up what I even dropped with my left hand. Sometimes if it’s heavy and I go to pick it up with just my right hand it just slides right off. My hand can’t even grip the weight.

Each day my quadriceps get just a little bit worse. Standing up when I’m getting off the toilet, off my chair, off my bed, each one is just a hair is more difficult every single day. Sometimes it takes me more than one try to stand. Do you know that the nursing assessments decided my hours should be cut from 8 hours a day to 4? Can you imagine having to hit my med-alert alarm because I’m stuck on the toilet? That’s a good reason for the police to be called.

This disease take so much away. Sometimes I watch people walking and I want to say to them you should feel blessed. I remember the days I could walk unaided, I wish I cherished them more. I just needed to be angry today. I deserve to be angry once in a while because this disease really does suck at times.