I spent many years in denial. I would pretend it was all good until I had a relapse, well at least that’s how I appeared to the outside world. Those closest to me knew me better. They were witnesses to the tears from the shots or those horrible flu-like symptoms I suffered for the first 12 years of my illness. Those shots were a constant reminder to me that I was sick. I was terrified of needles yet I learned how to inject myself every other day for years. I hated having MS yet physically I was in fairly good shape. It was when I became disabled I finally started to accept my disease.
It didn’t happen overnight and I fought a few of the stages but it did happen and part of the reason is this blog. I started to write about my experiences. I voiced my frustration to a new outlet instead of holding everything in or just crying to my mom. I found a place where I could be truthful and honest and people reacted. I met other people with MS who struggle and fight daily but with a positive outlook. I was going through my own spiritual journey and writing was my new freedom to say how I felt and work out my feelings. I am very honest when I write about my symptoms because I hope that someone reads it and feels better it isn’t just happening to them. This blog helped me not be so angry at being sick. I’ve learned that there are many people, not just with MS, going through similar journeys. Other blogs became inspirational.
My blog became my therapy, my online journal for everyone to read. It helped heal my soul and heart. It became the place where I could accept multiple sclerosis and stop being angry that it happened to me. The denial place I lived for a very long time. I stopped being the victim!!! I don’t know the exact time it happened but I know it did. I may not like MS but I finally accepted the fact I have it.