So far so good. I probably shouldn’t say that, I’ll jinx myself. I’ve been fall free for a few weeks letting all my bruises finally heal. Although I must admit to a bad MS day yesterday that put me in a bad mood. I once again took off a handle on my kitchen cabinet with the wheelchair and marked up a wall. I’ve had this kitchen cabinet repaired twice already. It is just frustrating sometimes in the wheelchair because the wheels go one way even though you are trying to go another way. I don’t mean for this stuff to happen but it does. Yesterday I just let it all get to me and my mood just went pretty sour. It happens.
I think I was more frustrated with MS yesterday than the wheelchair, although breaking the cabinet didn’t help. I worked out for the first time since the last Sunday and my body just didn’t recover well. I shouldn’t be shocked, it hasn’t been recovering well, yet I was none the less. Sometimes I just want a day off from everything being difficult. Is that too much to ask? Everything is always hard, except for sitting here watching tv. That I can do easily until I need the bathroom. Then the challenges begin. Just that small task can be monumental to me. I sometimes hate having to pee. Worse when I take my water pill which I can’t take unless I’m home and I dread taking because of the amount of energy it takes. Another medicinal catch 22, I need the pill but the pill exhausts me.
I can’t remember anymore when things were easy. It’s been a long time. Every task comes with its own battle. I’ve certainly adapted well to my circumstances and I have help with my aid but I’m stubborn and probably should have more assistance. I sometimes feel my independence slipping away which is why I fight the extra help so hard. I see my future and I see how much worse my MS progressed just this year. I’m a realist and I know my body, I’m not going to pretend everything is good, it’s not. I will never stop fighting because that’s why I’ve lasted 22 years to be at this stage. I’m grateful for that. I just wish I could have one more day to live free from the battle just one day off. That’s would be my only wish.