I truly want to write happy, uplifting blogs but I haven’t been able to do that lately. For every good day I’ve been having a few rough days following. It seems like I’ve been having more rough days than good days. Each time I think I’m through the worst of it, like my infusion, something seems to happen. If it is a tough night sleeping or a great night sleeping, I’m waking up tired. Doesn’t seem to matter.

Today I woke up a little better but as soon as I completed my workout, I felt the fatigue. I know many would say maybe you’re doing too much in your workouts. My answer is you are probably right, but I am not changing that. I think that is a piece no one ever understands. I’d rather workout for an hour every morning to the point of fatigue than do or go anywhere else. My workouts are MY time. They are the one thing that I have been doing consistently for the past 10 years regardless of my MS symptoms. I would never allow MS to be an excuse to not exercise on any given morning. I like working hard and getting sweaty. It brings me a sense of accomplishment. Even in the wheelchair, it isn’t as intense as it once was but I still work hard. I usually am working out anywhere between 40-60 minutes. Some is just functional training, some resistance band, some cardio it depends on the day. This always is my first priority in the morning, everything else in the day is secondary. Therefore if I am starting off fatigued before I even begin to exercise then I know my day will be extremely difficult. However if I’ve had shitty workouts because of being tired than as soon as I’m a little better, I push myself harder thus fatiguing myself anyway. Today is an example of one of those days.

Maybe I’ll bounce back maybe I won’t. I just know I mentally feel better than I have in days. I don’t love working out. I don’t give myself an option. It is something I do. However, I never woke up saying yes i get to workout now. It is after I’ve completed the day’s challenge and those endorphins are flowing I guess although I don’t love it then either. I do it to keep myself as strong as I can. I do it for my own mind mentality. I do it because I still can and it is my one way to fight multiple sclerosis. Exercising is not optional and it will always be my choice over any other activity for the day.