Yesterday during physical therapy the first thing we did was put me on the floor to get up. I just knew I had the strength to do it at this time and the first time I got myself up fairly quickly. So we did it for a second time. This time was harder, but I still managed to get myself up. My physical therapist said I can give you pointers but nobody knows their body better than you. One thing I’ve noticed about you is that you are very in tune with how you feel. You know your strong points, you know your weak points and you adapted all these different ways to help you maneuver based on situations that you have encountered. Any pointer I give you, won’t be anything different than you’re already doing.  unfortunately, MS is good days bad days and on those bad days, my body just might not be able to do it. It’s not that I’m doing anything wrong, it’s just the overall weakness in my body.

What he credited me with was my perseverance to adapt to my disability. Even more so my ability to come up with new solutions to aid myself to function in my surroundings as safely as I can. He has been a physical therapist for 30 years and has seen too many times people giving in to their limitations. He knew the day he met me, I wasn’t one of those people.

I’ve told my MS diagnosis story https://multipleexperiences.org/2017/04/22/me-and-multiple-sclerosis/ a few times in different blogs but my mindset was always the same. I refused to let this disease take over my life. Yes, I still had my share of pity parties and resentment over the 22 years of having this disease. I’m human. I even had a good share of denial at times but I didn’t let MS consume me. It was never the secret that I kept hidden from people, I used to talk about it freely. I actually used to get stints and steroids in my office at work if I had to. I always push through even when I was having bad days. I cried to my mother but put on a brace face around everyone else. I have stayed strong for those around me because their heart was breaking. I still do. I know my parents, my dad and my stepmom everybody’s heart breaks when they read some of my blogs or when they know I’ve had a really bad day. These are my parents, all of them, and they are helpless to do anything for me. This is why my attitude became so important. It was never just for me, it was for everyone around me.

Then my attitude became my new weapon against MS. I just refused to quit. I started working out. I remember someone telling me I wouldn’t be able to do P90X from Beachbody. I actually fell the first time I tried to do the program, hurt the ligaments in my thumb. Didn’t stop me. I push myself over and over through that program and many others that would be seen as “too difficult” with my MS. My refusal to give in still drives me now. I still workout in my chair as hard as I can push my body each day. I don’t care about pushing too hard, there is no “too hard”. This is and has remained my attitude towards MS.

When my therapist yesterday gave me the compliment, I was appreciative but I honestly don’t know any difference. I can’t remember when I wasn’t that person. I have my moments as anyone would but normally I never let MS win. I’m always fighting. I always try to keep my attitude positive because the mind is a very powerful tool. I hope that anyone who reads this realized the fight with MS starts in your mind so NEVER give up.