I have to admit, I’m getting tired. Those walks to get from my car inside a building are taking longer and longer. Each step is getting harder and harder to make. I don’t know why, I saw my mom for like three seconds the other day and I said I think the next car has to be equipped for a wheelchair. Since this was such a fast visit she said does this have to be a discussion now. Who could blame her for that reaction. I did see her again on Saturday and she asked how I was feeling and my only answer was OK. In the back of my mind though this is been sitting.
The whole thing with the car has been a topic that strong with my daughter, because she wants a new car. The original thought, because I drive so little, was that I would just take her car back, since it was originally mine, and when I turn in my car at the end of the lease she get something else. It sounded really good, especially for her, but I truly don’t think it’s reality. It’s not driving that’s the problem, it’s walking. On a real honest note, I don’t know if I have another year left of doing this with the walking. My lease is up July 2019. I don’t know if I can continue doing this for that long. Sure, I have days where it’s never an issue I have enough strength. However, most days once I’m out doing something I’m tiring out my legs. I’m exhausted doing the easiest tasks. Even the smallest walk seems so long to me.
A friend once said to me, like every assistive device that you have to adjust yourself to, you’ll eventually be grateful for how much easier the wheelchair makes your life. Isn’t that the truth? Every assisted device I had to mentally prepare for before I could physically use. And everything I finally started to use his added additional freedom and helps in my life. I know the wheelchair will be no different. I just have a fear that once I go into a wheelchair I’ll never get out.