I ended up giving myself an easier week. I needed that. I was too run down trying to do everything. I think I’m feeling somewhat more together again. I love being part of all my activities but in truth they can also take a toll on me. This week I had to pay closer attention and not participate in everything to the fullest. Guess what, my friends are still my friends. No one was offended I cut out early and everyone was understanding. It is usually me who worries what other people might think.
It is tough to explain a chronic illness to anyone that doesn’t have one or has never dealt with someone with one. It is hard to see fatigue. It is hard to explain to all my new mahjong friends that the back and forth motion with the tiles sometimes is draining and sometimes it is not. I’ve had days I’ve played for 5 hours and days I’ve struggled after 1. Sometimes they see the weakness in my back when I’m trying to hold myself up but rarely, I’m in a wheelchair. I feel it more physically than it is seen. They have picked up now when I started leaning on my wheelchair sides I’m getting tired but it’s taken over a year. Now I’m also playing with new people in my building both mahjong and game day. It is really no different. It all depends.
It is so hard because I love playing and the new friends I’ve made. I hate having to miss going because my body needs a break but I have to be realistic and take care of myself. I still played this week but limited myself to two hours. Although today is Thursday, my normal mahjong day, I couldn’t go because of an appointment I had. Hopefully all this rest helps so I can enjoy my games next week. I’m having so much fun with all my games and friends I hate missing out.