I’m not grey anymore. My daughter dyed my hair yesterday. A grueling experience. Not because of her, but I had to sit in my wheelchair for an hour. I have been really tired this week. On Monday I wrote I blogged I wasn’t having any reactions to my Rituxan infusion. Today I have to admit I might be having a reaction to my Rituxan infusion. I am definitely feeling run down. What is really worse is my hands. I’m not use to what is going on with my hands. As I get tired, my hands fatigue first. It can be hard to text, dial my phone or use the tv remote. I find I’m back to ringing my hands again trying to get feeling back. It takes hours to recover another not normal thing. I am use to over doing and it taking a few hours to recover. I’m not use to six plus. Sometimes it isn’t until the next morning. This isn’t just the Rituxan infusion, obviously, but since I’ve been more tired from the infusion, it has affected me for the last 3 days. My hands have been been troublesome, but not on a daily basis.

I’m still getting use to the new me. It isn’t easy. People ask me, “how do you feel?” I feel fine, I feel nothing in many places. It isn’t about how I feel. I’m not sick anymore. Now it is about my multiple sclerosis symptoms. It is my new challenges and difficulties. I’m trying to navigate my new body while I am trying to get stronger. However, now I am also dealing with Rituxan side effects.

Ugh. I am tired, I’ve said that already. I decided to take a break this week. I canceled PT. I’ve wasted so many sessions and you only get so many. I just didn’t want to waste two more. Plus my daughter is here until Saturday. I haven’t seen her since February. That visit consisted of her sitting in a chair next to me in a hospital bed. A horrible place to visit with a two hour time limit. I really missed my girl. I don’t realize it until I see her. I’m just happy I could give her all my attention. The side effects of Rituxan can be handled when I have nothing scheduled but to focus on my baby girl.

I gave myself permission to take the week off. My MS issues will be here Monday morning. I need to get through the side effects. I need to be a mom. My beautiful girl she’s so worth it.