Friday again. It was a week ago I wrote about weather changes once again affecting MS symptoms. https://multipleexperiences.org/2022/06/17/mentally-strong/. I had changed PT from Monday to Wednesday because I was having a rough day Monday. Well I guess I was having a rough day Wednesday too. I couldn’t walk five steps. So much for my goal of walking the hallway and back to my condo door. It wasn’t even close. I honestly couldn’t walk a few feet out my door. I was dripping with sweat. The hallway was hot and humid. In all honesty I was overheated before I even started PT. Even though I was in my bedroom with the AC on, even though the outside temperature wasn’t more than 75 degrees, even though I didn’t do much trying to conserve my energy, I knew it was going to be a bad day. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to walk. I knew by my hands. A by product of the pneumonia maybe but when they are bad my legs are worse. The claw hand thing. We did other PT stuff that didn’t include walking. It certainly wasn’t a wasted hour. I was happy when he said we were done. I have come a long way despite the bad day. However, even to the closest people to me, I still had to explain why I couldn’t walk. Multiple sclerosis isn’t a practice makes perfect disease. I have good days and not so good days. More of the latter. Heat and humidity make the bad days worse. I would say most of my hallway walking are on bad days that are better than others. That day I walked almost back to my condo door was a good day. They are all freaking hard.
I once again have to take it all in stride. It is what it is. I am so much better than I thought I’d be I can only be grateful. I don’t know if I will ever be where I was prior to all this sickness. It doesn’t matter now, does it? I’m at this point now. I can only imagine if I stayed in that dark place i was in when I came home from the hospital. I was so scared. It seemed so insurmountable. I really thought I might never walk again. I thought I might really never get out of my bed by myself. Fighting to keep those thoughts out of my mind was so hard. I just knew I couldn’t go there.
It has been a long 6 months. I learned a lot about myself during these months. I also strengthened my spiritual awareness. Who knew!!! In a strange way to think this ordeal made me stronger in many ways. My relationship with my family has changed. There has been a new closeness formed with my sisters, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. My ability to adapt to my life changes have improved. Mostly my gratefulness to what I have became more significant. Throughout all this hardship, I’ve become happier than I was before this all happened. I somehow became more peaceful with multiple sclerosis. I still hate this disease at many moments of most days, but I have accepted my circumstance. I’ve accepted my stage of disability. Guess what??? I am still smiling most days