I’ve been looking to get funding for a handicap vehicle for the past few months. It hasn’t gone as well as i was hoping. On top of this my own car is a lease which isn’t over until July 2019. My mother kind of yelled at me for getting ideas in my head prematurely. She isn’t wrong but what I needed to explain to my mom that it wasn’t so much the idea of the handicap vehicle it was the acceptance of the handicap vehicle. That’s a big difference. It takes time to accept the stages of my disease and come to terms with what is happening. Even when I went to my doctors appointment, I know in my heart I’m worse, but hearing it come out of his mouth kind of forces my acceptance of that fact.

Walking is becoming so challenging and each step is laborious. Owning a handicap van that I can bring my electric wheelchair right into would make my life so much easier. That is the truth. However, the idea of the handicap van actually opened a dialogue with my mom we tend to avoid.

She said everyone knows how much worse I am, we certainly didn’t need a doctor to tell us. The handicap van would certainly make life easier for you and we are working on it. However, she said, you have an aid full time and a travel scooter that is in your car. Stop making things so difficult for yourself and trying to walk everywhere. Use the scooter, your aid is there to put it together. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Stop making things hard and using up the small amounts of energy you have. Doesn’t that make sense at this stage?

It was the first time in ages we discussed my MS like that. Like everything else I need to accept the fact that I am closer to the wheelchair when I’m out of the house, I need to make my life easier. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the funding I need for a handicap vehicle but no matter what, that will be my next car. I don’t have a choice. I just have to accept it.