I have to say things in my family have been sad. Bad news received about a loved ones health has hit everyone hard. It puts having multiple sclerosis in its respected place. A place that has always helped me deal with my disease on a more positive level. I’m here!!! I didn’t receive a death sentence when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My disease could be difficult but I could still live a very rewarding life.
I’m coming up on 22 years since my diagnosis. At 48 years old, that is almost half my life. Half my life I have spent battling my disease, that’s a long time. I am by no means giving up the battle but I am tired. As I have progressed, the simplest things become increasingly more difficult. It is not an easy disease to deal with both physically and mentally. There are many times I fight the tears and sadness of what I can’t do anymore or in frustration for the things I am trying to do. I’ve had to deal with shame and embarrassment that multiple sclerosis symptoms have caused that a person in their 40’s should never have to deal with. I have had to get use to new accommodations for my disabilities only to have to change them and accommodate them because I continued to get worse. I’ve had to accept each level of disability hoping I’d stabilize but I never do. I go to two different neurologists who can’t do anything for me because there isn’t a drug out there that would help. I have had to deal with all of this stuff and try to keep a smile on my face.
I keep that smile on my face because 22 years ago, on the day I was diagnosed, there was a terrible accident right down the road from my childhood home. As I was driving back to my own home that night we saw the aftermath. Whoever was in that car couldn’t have survived. I found out later they didn’t. I just received life altering news but I was still living. I made the decision that night that I would never let MS beat me and I never have. I have days and moments. It is not an easy disease. I have a good life. I laugh, I love, and I’m grateful for all the people who surround me. I fight for them as much as for myself. I am and will always be a MS Warrior.